A Moonless Night
by the.sun.hasnt.set
Summary: Eclipse through Edward's eyes, how did Edward feel all the times Bella spoke about Jacob? When her life was threatened again? I haven't left ANYTHING out. Please let me know what you think, I'd love to keep this going!
1. PREFACE

PREFACE

The seconds ticked by, seeming more like hours. It had however, been hours since I found her in her car, shaking and crying uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do, what could I do? For all I knew, the next time she spoke she would change my existence forever. Part of me never wanted her to speak again – maybe I could live forever not knowing.

I thought in all my years I'd come to understand the meaning of real pain; I've had the experience of becoming what I am today, and the pain of what brought me to Italy last year, pain enough for me to face what the Volturi would do to me, want them to do destroy me, thinking she had died – I'd thought these moments would have been the worst I could have experienced, especially as an immortal.

I was wrong, very, very wrong.

This was an entirely different type of pain, throbbing, numbing, unbelievably excruciating. The suffering I'd been subjected to then had been merely a drop in the ocean of despair I felt now; waiting to understand what exactly was happening – the ache of waiting was unexplainable. The question of 'what if' in this moment was far worse than anything in my past – what if I lost my entire reason for living today, what if she chose him?


	2. ULTIMATUM

ULTIMATUM

Afternoons were now impossible to handle. As if it wasn't hard enough to pass the time when you're immortal, now, my afternoons were empty of the only thing I enjoyed doing with my time: being with Bella. I drove aimlessly through the small town of Forks, trying to kill time in any way possible, and what better than driving too fast down dark forest lined streets? The speed made me feel just a little bit better, as it usually did. It was either this or find something to do at my house, and I'd spent the entire rest of my time away from her today doing just that – not to mention I was still a little bitter with Rosalie after what had happened.

Ever since that dog came by Bella's house and brought to Charlie's attention, a little indiscretion he'd overlooked while I was away, Bella had been even more restricted from seeing me. I shuddered at the thought of what exactly had made Charlie so mad in the first place; Bella had taken to riding motorcycles in my absence – the absence I'd taken while trying my hardest to save Bella from pain, and in that attempt ended up causing her more pain than I ever could have ever imagined. Still I could hardly bring myself to think about what she'd been through when I was gone – when I'd left her. The remorse I felt would never leave me. But the motorcycles were another story all together, I couldn't bare to think what could have happened to her while she was riding, it's almost as bad as what I'd originally though happened to her, what caused me to travel to Italy. Bella had jumped off a cliff, cliff diving, she claims was the reason behind this, but I couldn't help but feel a little responsible for her wanting to do something so dangerous; especially when she told me that she heard my voice whenever experiencing fear or adrenaline. How could I not feel guilty, all those dangerous things she did, all to feel closer to me. All because I left her.

It didn't help my guilt, seeing everyone's memories of those few, fateful months. Between Charlie's hate filled glares and the thoughts swirling inside his head, I could barely control my grief over what I'd done. I'd seen her in his mind so many times, lying there, motionless while the world went on without her; other times she was barely functioning, moving through her life numbly, without really feeling anything. I knew I'd never be able to fully make it up to her, but I was certainly going to do my best. I would never have done anything if I knew it would have affected her so much; all I wanted in this world was for Bella to be happy. She is all that matters.

What I was having a lot of trouble handling, was the recent decision she had made; and had made my family vote on, no less. It seemed there was no way to sway her mind, though of course I still planned to try. Bella had decided, against all my arguments, to become one of us, a vampire; and my family, somehow, now supported her in this decision, which only made everything so much more difficult. But I would do my best to make her realize what a mistake it would be – I loved her far to much to wish this soulless life upon her, even if it did mean she would be with me always.

The upside to this, however, was what I was hopefully going to get out of it, if it did end, if was definitely going to happen. It seemed Bella was more partial to the idea of me being the one to change her; and I had one stipulation. Bella would become my wife – if she'd just hurry up and say yes of course.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it was seven o'clock, the waiting was up; it was visiting hours at the Swan residence. Thankfully for me, visiting hours truly lasted far longer than the nine-thirty curfew Charlie had set – I'd always sneak in once he was asleep to spend the night with her. Without this I swear I would go mad.

I was prepared, I arrived at exactly seven. The less time I had to stay away from Bella, the better. I rapped three times at the door, waiting impatiently for her to answer, time could never diminish how I felt when I saw her, and I couldn't wait until she would be standing right in front of me.

"Coming!" I heard her called from inside the door, at the same time I heard Charlie thinking about just how much he'd prefer if I'd stayed away. I tried so hard to force Charlie to like me again, but I had a feeling it was going to take time more than anything, to fix what I'd done; time to prove that I wasn't about to do it again.

The door was wrenched open, she was obviously eager to see me, which made me even more eager to see her – and there she stood, the most perfect human being alive. But how much longer would she stay that way? How much longer would she stay human? I pushed those thoughts out of my head, wanting only to focus on the fact that I was with her again. I watched her, her eyes traveling over me, her gaze deep and concentrated; I smiled, watching her reaction to my presence. It still bewildered me to know how she felt about me. I always seemed to wonder about why someone so beautiful, so bright, so… human, could love a cold soulless vampire like me. I was listening to her breathing while she looked at me, it faltered for a moment, she'd done it again, forgotten to breathe – only Bella, my Bella, would forget something so important on such a regular basis. She reached for my hand, and sighed a little when her warm fingers gripped mine. Her warmth washed over me, I felt light, and unbelievably happy, to be standing there in the doorway.

"Hey." She stated simply, and smiled. Her casual greeting seemed a little out of place in comparison to the thoughts running through my mind, and I hoped, hers as well. I needed to feel just a little more of her incredible warmth; I brought our now entwined hands up so mine brushed her cheek lightly. "How was your afternoon?" I knew how mine had been – the entire time spent waiting for this moment.

"Slow."

"For me, as well." I couldn't get enough of the feeling of her skin; I dragged our hands up to my face, closing my eyes while I brought her wrist to my nose. I smiled, her blood smelled incredible, thankfully I'd gotten to the point where I could simply enjoy the bouquet that was her, without risking any life-threatening slip-up. Not that I didn't have trouble with it still, her blood was sweeter and more tempting than any human I'd encountered in my years. I still felt pain from the overwhelming thirst I felt when I was near her; however it had been some time since it had been any real effort, my devotion to her had changed that. Her recent decision flashed again through my head – soon, though hopefully not too soon, I wouldn't have to deal with the thirst. Part of me would miss it, but at the same time I appreciated what parts of our relationship it would affect for the better.

I could hear Charlie approaching; _what is that boy doing here? Oh, seven already? _ My eyes snapped open abruptly as I heard he and his thoughts getting closer, I regretfully let her hand fall from my face, while making sure our fingers were still interlaced.

"Good evening, Charlie." I couldn't possibly have been more polite to Charlie, not that I wasn't in general, but trying to win him over was taking a lot of extra effort – I didn't usually have to work to be charming, but I was working extra hard these days.

He only grunted back at me, his arms crossed in a protective stance. _I don't know who he's trying to fool acting like that, no boy his age is actually that polite, he's just trying to butter me up, but I won't let him get off the hook that easily._ I could see, and hear, that it was still going to take a lot more time on my part, to win him over.

"I brought another set of applications," I told her, my hand holding a stuffed manila envelope, and my finger wearing a roll of stamps as a ring. I knew Bella was getting annoyed with all the applications I was forcing her through, but I knew she'd want options in the long run – now I just needed her to allow me to pay her tuition, this would be a much more difficult task to accomplish. She groaned, I knew she was mystified at the amount of loophole openings I'd been able to find her, since it was so late in the year. I thought she'd know by now. I could do anything I wanted, practically anything anyways, and getting her into college was a very simple job to do. "There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions." I continued, answering her unasked question. "Shall we?" I towed her to the kitchen table.

Charlie huffed and walked in behind us, I didn't see how he could be upset about this though, didn't every father want their daughter getting in to a good university? Even if she was forced to fill out the applications with her unreliable boyfriend. I focused in on his thoughts and realized he was asking himself the very same question, and wasn't entirely happy that he couldn't come up with a good answer for himself.

I organized the stack of forms I had brought tonight while Bella cleared the table. I raised an eyebrow when I noticed that she was moving _Wuthering Heights_ to the counter. Why on earth was she reading that dreadful story again, how many times could one person read about two selfish, vindictive characters?

"Speaking of college applications, Edward," Charlie interrupted my confusion with a sullen tone, he normally tried to avoid addressing me directly, and when he was forced to it didn't seem to put him in a very good mood. "Bella and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you're going to school?"

I smiled, bringing on what charm I could once more, "Not yet. I've received a few acceptance letters, but I'm still weighing my options."

"Where have you been accepted?"

I listened intently to Charlie's thoughts, I knew there was something behind these specific questions he was asking me, normally he tries his hardest to say no more than one or two words to me in a night. _What are the chances he got into Alaska Southeast too? No one with as much money as him would apply to a place like that, it's Alaska for crying out loud._ I'd use this thought to my advantage. "Syracuse… Harvard… Dartmouth… and I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast today." I glanced at Bella, turning my face slightly to wink at her, she stifled a giggle.

"Harvard? Dartmouth?" Charlie mumbled back at me, I could tell he was a little surprised, but his only thoughts were various relatively incoherent comments, usually to do with wanting me to go to the farthest school I could. "Well that's pretty… that's something. Yeah, but the University of Alaska… you wouldn't really consider that when you could go to Ivy League. I mean, your father would want you to…"

"Carlisle's always fine with whatever I choose to do," I knew this wouldn't make him happy, so I blocked out his thoughts, sick of hearing negative things about Bella and I.

"Hmph."

"Guess what, Edward?" Bella asked me brightly, I knew what she was going to say, but hearing her perk up like that always made me smile.

"What, Bella?"

She pointed to a thick envelope on the counter, obviously just recently opened, I recognized it from my own acceptance to University of Alaska, even though it was years ago since I'd attended. "I just got _my_acceptance to the University of Alaska!"

"Congratulations!" I grinned back at her, playing along. "What a coincidence."

Charlie fumed, glaring between us. "Fine," he said after about a minute. "I'm going to go watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty."

"Er, Dad? Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom…?" I listened again to Charlie's thoughts, wanting to get filled in on this new development, I could hear him cursing his previous decision, to give Bella more freedom as long as she spent time with her other friends, he felt a little different now that I was hear, as he realized I was part of that freedom, whether it included her other friends as well, or not.

"Right. Okay, _ten_-thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights."

"Bella's no longer grounded?" I made myself sound surprised and excited at the concept.

"Conditionally, what's it to you?" he mumbled through his teeth, sometimes I wondered how hard he tried to be mean to me. Bella frowned at him, but he didn't notice.

"It's just good to know, Alice has been itching for a shopping partner, and I'm sure Bella would love to see some city lights." I smiled at Bella, ignoring Charlie's thoughts; I felt a little rush of affection.

"No!" Charlie growled, his face growing angry, I should have paid more attention to what he was thinking.

"Dad! What's the problem?"

"I don't want you going to Seattle right now." I listened to his thoughts a little more closely, and clued in to what he was thinking about Seattle, the string of unsolved murders, I'd heard about it before as well, not much, though – I understood his hesitation.

"Huh?" Bella was confused.

"I told you about that story in the paper – there's some kind of gang on a killing spree in Seattle and I want you to steer clear, okay?"

Bella rolled her eyes, part of it I'm sure was an automatic reaction to parental concern, though another part, was definitely her confidence in my protection of her in any scenario, I was glad she felt safe, but wished she'd be more careful all the same. "Dad, there's a better chance that I'll get struck by lightning than that the one day I'm in Seattle – "

"No, that's fine, Charlie" I said, interrupting, but playing along, hopefully this would help at least slightly in his dislike for me, I knew I could keep her safe anywhere, but I wanted him aware of my concern. "I didn't mean Seattle. I was thinking Portland, actually. I wouldn't have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not."

Bella looked at me, shocked. I was right, she had real confidence in her protection, too much confidence, I had picked up Charlie's paper and was reading the article on the murders – I wanted to know more of what was going on.

My concern to Charlie worked; he stared, wanting to believe differently of me I'm sure, "Fine." He said as he walked out of the room, in a bit of a hurry.

Bella waited until she heard the TV on in the living room before she began to speak.

"What – ,"

"Hold on," I cut her off, mid-sentence, I was still intently reading the paper, this story on the murders was getting a little disconcerting; though I also wanted her to get started on the applications I'd brought her, we'd wasted a lot of time speaking with Charlie, not to mention the fact that he was still listening to us talk. "I think you can recycle your essays for this one. Same questions."

Bella sighed and began to fill out her forms.

I finished the article I was reading and started to stare out the window, the story was concerning, the style of the killings, the lack of evidence, the last of consistency, it sounded like the work of one of us. I wasn't looking forward to that concept.

After a few minutes Bella snorted in disbelief and shoved the papers she was working on aside, I realized she'd finally looked at the name on the form.

"Be serious, Edward._Dartmouth_?"

She could be so pessimistic sometimes; I put the applications back in front of her. "I think you'd like New Hampshire, there's a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife." I smiled at her, the smile I'd learned she couldn't resist.

She took a deep breath, obviously still unhappy with my answer, and the application in general.

"I'll let you pay me back, if that makes you happy," I couldn't understand why she just wouldn't let me pay for it, it's not like my family didn't have enough money, and I knew she had practically nothing in her college fund. I wanted this experience to be perfect for her, especially if it was going to be one of her last human ones. "If you want, I can charge you interest."

"Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe. Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we having this discussion again?"

Why was she being so difficult? "Could you just fill out the application, please, Bella? It won't hurt you to apply."

"You know what? I don't think I will."

She reached for the papers, but I knew her too well, and I didn't want her ruining perfectly good applications; it's not like I couldn't fill them out for her anyways. I grabbed them away before she'd even noticed, she just stared at the empty table, it was quite amusing to watch actually, but I didn't let on.

"What are you doing?"

"I sign your name better than you do yourself. You've already written the essays."

"You're going way overboard with this, you know." Then she whispered, unaware that Charlie was so entranced in his game, he wouldn't have noticed if she'd shouted it. "I really don't need to apply anywhere else. I've been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester's tuition. It's as good an alibi as any. There's no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter whose it is."

Here she was, mentioning it again, that subject I didn't want to think about unless I absolutely had to. I felt a wounded look go across my face as she mentioned this – I really didn't want to think about it. "Bella – "

"Don't start. I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlie's sake, but we both know I'm not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people."

Something inside me clenched a little – if I wasn't sure otherwise, I would have guessed it was my heart, but either way, I didn't enjoy this conversation. I didn't want to hear Bella speaking of what would happen when she changed, I didn't really want to think she'd go through with it, but even if she did, I hoped she wouldn't be considering what she would be like immediately after. It wasn't something I ever wanted to see my sweet, innocent, perfect Bella thinking about, let alone actually doing. "I thought the timing was still undecided," I reminded her, trying to sway her in the direction of later, rather than sooner. "You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are a lot of human experiences you've never had."

"I'll get to those afterward."

_Ridiculous girl,_ I thought, "They won't be _human_ experiences afterward. You don't get a second change at humanity, Bella." I hoped I'd eventually get through to her, at least so she'd delay it slightly; there was no need to rush.

"You've got to be reasonable about the timing, Edward. It's just too dangerous to mess around with."

"There's no danger yet," I didn't understand why she couldn't comprehend that. The Volturi threat wasn't immediate, and even if they came soon, Alice would see, we'd hide, it would all be fine, we had time for her to be a human awhile longer.

She glared at me, obviously not thrilled with my comment.

"Bella," I murmured, I could see the distress in her eyes, I knew it reflected in mine, I tried my best to soothe her fears, I wanted more than anything for her to understand completely – there was no way I'd ever let anything happen to her. "There's no hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need." Most of me knew that she didn't want time, the danger was mainly an excuse to have this happen sooner, but I'd try anything to change her mind.

"I want to hurry," she whispered, smiling, though I could see the hesitation in her smile. "I want to be a monster, too." She was trying to make a joke, I didn't find it funny.

"You have no idea what you're saying." I spoke through clenched teeth, I was trying to stay calm, but there was something still weighing on me, she should know the truth.

I flung down the newspaper on the table in front of her. I jabbed the headline on the front page, the one I had been reading about, the one that worried me.

**DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE,**

**POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY**

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Monsters are not a joke, Bella." She obviously didn't understand what I was getting at, but as she stared at the headline, and back at my face, she seemed to finally recognize what I was trying to show her.

"A… a _vampire_ is doing this?" she whispered.

I was serious now; I needed her to understand the extent of this. I smiled a dark, humorless smile. My voice was deep and cold. "You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It's easy to recognize, when you know what to look for. The information here indicates a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were." …_the way I hope, you won't be…_ I thought as a side note.

She stares down at the paper, shocked, disturbed, she won't meet my eyes.

"We've been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there – the unlikely disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence… Yes, someone brand-new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte…" I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself "Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay attention to the situation if it wasn't going on so close to home. Like I said, this happens all the time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences."

I could tell she was affected by what I was telling her, I could see it in her face, I didn't need to be able to read minds to be able to understand what she was thinking. She was picturing herself, herself as the newborn, what would she do when she was in that state? I didn't want to think about it either.

"It won't be the same for me," she whispered, mainly to herself, but I heard it, and I hoped she was right. "You won't let me be like that. We'll live in Antarctica."

I laughed, she definitely knew how to break the tension, "Penguins. Lovely" I said back, hoping to see her smile.

She laughed a shaky laugh – close enough to a smile for now – and knocked the newspaper off the table, hiding the names from herself I'm sure. It's hard to view them as real people, real people with families who love them, it's especially hard when you're scared it may be you in a few months.

"Alaska, then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote then Juneau – somewhere with grizzlies galore."

"Better," I considered, I'd much prefer the wildlife I could find in Alaska compared to Antarctica. "There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large."

As soon as I said this her mouth fell open, I didn't know what I'd said wrong, "What's wrong?" but then I understood, as much as I didn't like her little wolf friends, I didn't want to see her hurt by me making comments like that. "Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you." I was still a little touchy about the whole wolf situation, between the thoughts I had to hear in Jacob's head, and the carnal need to destroy them, I found it a little hard to deal with. I felt myself stiffen as I spoke.

"He was my best friend, Edward," she said softly, I could tell she was hurting. "Of course the idea offends me."

I felt bad, but at the same time… I just, hated them. "Please forgive my thoughtlessness, I shouldn't have suggested that."

"Don't worry about it." She stared at her hands, clenched tight.

She definitely knew how to get to me, anything that looked like she might be distressed in some way and it was up to me to fix what I'd done. I couldn't see her even remotely unhappy. We stayed silent for just a moment, before I slid over to her, catching her face and moving it up to face me. "Sorry. Really."

"I know. I know it's not the same thing. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just that… well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over." She seemed to hesitate slightly, it was probably my reaction, it's involuntary but whenever I hear about him, I don't react too well. Her voice pleaded, "Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and… it's my fault."

She shouldn't be blaming herself, it's not her fault the dog feels the way he does, I hated to see her unhappy. "You've done nothing wrong, Bella." I tried to reassure her.

She breathed deeply; I could tell this emotion for Jacob wasn't going to go away on its own, "I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of Charlie's conditions, anyway – "

I could feel my facial expression change when she said this, I was never happy to hear she wanted to be near the dog; and at this point, it was far too dangerous for me to let her be alone, especially with something so volatile as a new werewolf. "You know it's out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a war?" I new I was overreacting a bit, but definitely not enough to make myself stop.

"Of course not!"

"Then there's really no point in discussing the matter further." I dropped my hand from her, and looked in the other direction. I would take anything right now to change the subject. My eyes wandered, finally pausing when I found something that amused me, I'd forgotten about it.

"I'm glad Charlie has decided to let you out – you're sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I can't believe you're reading _Wuthering Heights _again. Don't you know it by heart yet?"

"Not all of us have photographic memories," she answered, obviously a little unhappy with my abrupt change of subject – I certainly wasn't though, I didn't want to think about that anymore.

"Photographic memory or not, I don't understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others' lives. I don't know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. It isn't a love story, it's a hate story." As much as I wanted to talk about something else, I definitely felt this way, I'd had a lot of time to understand what made a good love story, and this was not one of them.

"You have some serious issues with the classics," she snapped back at me, an illogical observation as I'd just expressed my appreciation for both Romeo and Juliet, and Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy – both of which I definitely assumed to be classics.

"Perhaps it's because I'm not impressed by antiquity." I smiled at her, satisfied with myself, she was distracted. "Honestly, though, why _do_ you read it over and over?" I was truly interested now in finding out the meaning behind her appreciation for such a dreadful story – I was still having trouble grasping her complicated mind. I reached across the table and cupped her face in my hands; it had been too long since I'd felt her skin, even if it truly was only minutes. "What is it that appeals to you?"

She seemed alarmed by my curiosity, "I'm not sure," she seemed a little confused, trying to sort through things in her head. "I think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart – not even her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end…"

I looked at her, considered what had been said, I supposed it made a little sense, though I'd never fully identify with her. "I still think it would be a better story if either of them have one redeeming quality."

"I think that may be the point, their love _is_their only redeeming quality."

"I hope you have better sense than that – to fall in love with someone so… malignant." I knew what she'd say, and I was glad she'd say it, but I still felt the need to express my concerns.

"It's a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with, but even without the warning, I seem to have managed fairly well." I laughed; I was right about what she'd say.

"I'm glad _you_think so."

"Well, I hope you're smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff."

"I'll be on my guard," I promised her, happy I'd changed the course of her thoughts for such a long period of time; and that the new conversation had taken such an endearing turn.

She sighed, and put her hand over mine to hold it where it rested on her face, "I need to see Jacob." I had been doing so well, and now she had to go and bring it up once more.

"No." I said, closing my eyes. This was not a discussion we would have again.

"It's truly not dangerous at all," she pleaded with me, I was unmoved. "I used to spend all day in La Push with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happened."

I knew she hadn't meant to, but she'd brought up a very painful subject for me, she'd spent time in La Push because I'd left her; it was then she finally began to be human again. Though I was happy about this, it also made me horribly jealous that it was Jacob and his werewolf friends that were able to bring her back, I'd much prefer if it was a girlfriend… or family.

I heard her heart accelerate and realized she wasn't being truthful; I nodded, letting her know I knew what she was thinking – not the specifics, but something had happened, something that proved I was right about her not being safe. "Werewolves are unstable. Sometimes, the people near them get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed." I waited for her to speak again, I was still not budging, I would be triumphant in this.

"You don't know them," she whispered, but I did know their kind, I knew what they were capable of.

"I know them better than you think, Bella. I was here the last time."

"The last time?" She seemed confused; I realized I had never told her about my previous encounters with the wolves, the wolves from a long time ago.

"We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago… We had just settled near Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldn't have stopped it from turning into a fight if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the truce." She seemed startled be something in my story, I continued. "We though the line had died out with Ephraim, that the genetic quirk which allowed the transmutation had been lost…" I stared at her, "Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize that your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from extinction? If we could bottle your luck, we'd have weapon of mass destruction on our hands." I knew it probably wasn't actually her fault the wolves were back, I was pretty sure luck didn't have much to do with it, though we had yet to come up with another reason, and I was angry with her desire to be near them.

"But _I_didn't bring them back. Don't you know?" I couldn't figure out what she was talking about, did the wolves know some other reason they'd returned? Had they told Bella what it was?

"Know what?"

"My bad luck had nothing to do with it. The werewolves came back because the vampires did." I stared back; shocked with this idea, though I couldn't quite understand how it would work, she continued, "Jacob told me that your family being here set things in motion. I thought you would already know…"

"Is that what they think?" It was an interesting concept.

"Edward, look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You come back now, and the werewolves show up again. Do you think that's a coincidence?"

She did make a convincing point, could it really all have happened that way by chance? This was something I would definitely want to speak with Carlisle about, he may have an idea. "Carlisle will be interested in that theory."

"Theory," she scoffed.

I looked out the window and watched the rain; I wondered whether this could be possible, that it was us causing all the trouble in the first place. I couldn't decide whether I'd feel bad about it if it was. "Interesting, but not exactly relevant," I said after a minute. "The situation remains the same." I wasn't changing my mind about her seeing him. This was about her safety.

She got up after a moment and walked towards me around the table, I opened my arms for her to sit with me, she nestled in to me; it felt good having her so close. She looked at my hands and began to speak, "Please just listen for a minute. This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in _pain_." Her voice faltered on the word, it hurt me a little to know how much she cared about his pain. "I can't _not_ try to help him – I can't give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he's not human all the time… Well, he was there for me when I was… not so human myself. You don't know what it was like…" she hesitated, feeling my posture change.

I felt my body go rigid, my hands turned to fists. I tried so hard to never think about what I'd done to her, I'd practically shoved her towards Jacob. This entire thing was my fault, I'd her hurt more than I could bare, and now I would have to pay for that.

"If Jacob hadn't helped me… I'm not sure what you would have come home to. I owe him better than this, Edward."

I had my eyes closed as she said this, he had saved her, he had saved her from what I had done to her. It hurt too much to think about, I just wanted to go back and change everything, I would never have left her, if I'd known what it would do. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you," I whispered to her, "Not if I live a hundred thousand years."

I felt her hand touch my face; I slowly opened my eyes at her touch, looking into her eyes. "You were just trying to do with right thing. And I'm sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides, you're here now. That's the part that matters."

Though I'm sure it should have felt better this way, I just couldn't bare how little she blamed me. I'd destroyed her, and she had forgiven me almost unconditionally. "If I'd never left, you wouldn't feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a _dog_."

She flinched at my choice of words, I felt only slightly remorseful for using such a harsh term.

I had to get something across to her, I wasn't sure how it sound, I didn't want to be someone who would try to rule her life, I wasn't about to do that, but I felt too strongly for her safety to not be the most careful I could be. "I don't know how to phrase this properly, it's going to sound cruel, I suppose. But I've come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am _not_ going to tolerate anything dangerous." I hated think about this again, when I'd thought I'd lost her for good. I'd lost myself that day, thinking of nothing else other than that I didn't want to be alive either, if she wasn't.

"You have to trust me on this. I'll be fine."

My face was pained at these words, I just didn't want to risk anything, "Please, Bella," I whispered to her.

She stared back at me, still being stubborn as ever. "Please what?"

"Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."

"I'll work on it," she murmured. I definitely wasn't convinced.

"Do you have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" I pulled her tight against me, I needed her close. This entire conversation was making me far too uneasy – my assurance of her safety was being threatened.

She pressed her lips against my neck, "I know how much _I_love _you_." She answered, this lifted my spirits slightly.

"You compare one small tree to the entire forest." She had no idea; I was sure, just how much she meant to me. It was impossible for a human to comprehend what it feels like, after over a hundred years, to find someone like her.

"Impossible."

I kissed her head and sighed, "No werewolves." I reiterated once more.

"I'm not going along with that. I have to see Jacob." Sometimes she was so stubborn, I was worried I may have to lock her in a closet just to keep her safe.

"Then I'll just have to stop you." I was confident I could do this; I wouldn't allow it to happen any other way.

"We'll see about that, he's still my friend." I could tell she was defeated, though she tried to convince me otherwise.

I had won, for now.


End file.
